Here is a riddle for the true intellectual. Try to come up with the answer on your own. The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think this one through.
At the exact same time, there are two 35 year old men on opposite sides of the earth:
One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers.
The other is getting "oral pleasure" from an 85 year old toothless woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing.
What are they both thinking?
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Don't look down.
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
A Few For The Girls
One for the girls
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me he althy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.
Five tips for a woman.....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Foot Note:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me he althy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.
Five tips for a woman.....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Foot Note:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Her Diary vs. His Diary
HER DIARY
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had
made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was
shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he
was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he
made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him
what was wrong. He said, "Nothing.". I asked him if
it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had
nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply
smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior;
I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat
there and watched TV.&n bsp; He seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes
later, he came to bed and to my surprise he responded
to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that
he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere
else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I
decided to confront him with the situation but he had
fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too
fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure
that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a
disaster.
HIS DIARY
Iowa lost today, but at least I got laid.
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had
made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was
shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he
was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he
made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him
what was wrong. He said, "Nothing.". I asked him if
it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had
nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply
smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior;
I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat
there and watched TV.&n bsp; He seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes
later, he came to bed and to my surprise he responded
to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that
he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere
else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I
decided to confront him with the situation but he had
fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too
fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure
that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a
disaster.
HIS DIARY
Iowa lost today, but at least I got laid.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Translating What Men Say
1. "I can't find it."
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.
2. "That's women's work."
MEANS: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.
3. "Will you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer and there's no peanut butter left.
4. "It's a guy thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected to it and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
5. "Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?
6. "It would take too long to explain."
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.
7. "I'm getting more exercise lately."
MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.
8. "We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.
9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
10. "That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?
11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.
12. "You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?
13. "It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and lots of women.
14. "You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.
16. "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.
17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS: What did you catch me at?
18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.
19. "I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way you nag at me, and realize it could be worse.
21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.
22. "I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the hockey game.
23. "I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.
24. "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.
25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.
2. "That's women's work."
MEANS: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.
3. "Will you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer and there's no peanut butter left.
4. "It's a guy thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected to it and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
5. "Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?
6. "It would take too long to explain."
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.
7. "I'm getting more exercise lately."
MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.
8. "We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.
9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
10. "That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?
11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.
12. "You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?
13. "It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and lots of women.
14. "You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.
16. "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.
17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS: What did you catch me at?
18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.
19. "I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way you nag at me, and realize it could be worse.
21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.
22. "I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the hockey game.
23. "I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.
24. "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.
25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
Translating What Women Say
What Woman Say vs. What Women Really Mean
CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? ... really means, "There is no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. ... really means, "without you in it."
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?... really means, "We haven't had a fight in a while."
NO, PIZZA'S FINE.... really means, "you cheap slob!"
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. ... really means, "I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? ... really means, "I can't believe you have nothing planned!"
COME HERE. ... really means, "My puppy does this, too."
I LIKE YOU, BUT... really means, "I don't like you."
OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.... really means, "just not in that way."
YOU NEVER LISTEN. ... really means, "You never listen.
WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. ... really means, "I'm not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.
I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.... really means, "I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will."
OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. ... really means, "I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch."
I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. .... really means, "We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.
CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? ... really means, "There is no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. ... really means, "without you in it."
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?... really means, "We haven't had a fight in a while."
NO, PIZZA'S FINE.... really means, "you cheap slob!"
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. ... really means, "I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? ... really means, "I can't believe you have nothing planned!"
COME HERE. ... really means, "My puppy does this, too."
I LIKE YOU, BUT... really means, "I don't like you."
OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.... really means, "just not in that way."
YOU NEVER LISTEN. ... really means, "You never listen.
WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. ... really means, "I'm not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.
I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.... really means, "I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will."
OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. ... really means, "I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch."
I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. .... really means, "We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The Perfect Man
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00... on one condition..." Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."
"Clean my house."
Friday, April 17, 2009
15 Things You Should NEVER say to a Pregnant Woman
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."
13. "I finished the Oreos."
12. "Darned if you aren't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from
that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta
hurt."
10. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your own ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy-looking today."
5. "Got milk?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawny."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
Monday, March 23, 2009
Facts About Your Body... Did You Know...?
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Evening Classes For Men
Evening Classes for Men
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step guide with slide presentation.
TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics).
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL.
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups.
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS.
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum.
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE TRASH CAN?
Group discussion and role play.
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
PowerPoint presentation.
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real life testimonial from the one man who did.
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER.
Online class and role playing.
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
Individual counselors available.
Hormone Safety Guide For Men
Give this to the significant male in your life. A laminated card might be best.
>
> Hormones
>
>
>
> The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
> all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into
his
> own hands!?
>
> This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
> license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
> other!!
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What's for dinner?
>
> SAFER:Can I help you with dinner?
>
> SAFEST:Where would you like to go for dinner?
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:Are you wearing that?
>
> SAFER:Gee, you look good in brown.
>
> SAFEST:WOW! Look at you!
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What are you so worked up about?
>
> SAFER:What did I do wrong?
>
> SAFEST:Here's fifty dollars.
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:Should you be eating that?
>
> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
>
> SAFEST:Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What did you do all day?
>
> SAFER:I hope you didn't overdo it today.
>
> ! SAFEST:I've always loved you in that robe!
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some more chocolate.
>
>
>
> 13 Things PMS Stands For:
>
> 1. Pass My Shotgun
>
> 2. Psychotic Mood Shift
>
> 3. Perpetual Munching Spree
>
> 4. Puffy Mid-Section
>
> 5. People Make me Sick
>
> 6. Provide Me with Sweets
>
> 7. Pardon My Sobbing
>
> 8. Pimples May Surface
>
> 9. Pass My Sweatpants
>
> 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
>
> 11. Plainly; Men Suck
>
> 12. Pack My Stuff......
>
>
>
> ..And my favorite one...
>
>
>
> 13. Potential Murder Suspect
>
>
>
> Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might
> need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money
> talks...but chocolate sings.
>
>
>
> Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my
> mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to
> monitor my moods.? When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm
in a
> bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he'll
> buy me diamonds.
>
>
>
> Here have some chocolate.
>
> Hormones
>
>
>
> The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
> all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into
his
> own hands!?
>
> This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
> license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
> other!!
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What's for dinner?
>
> SAFER:Can I help you with dinner?
>
> SAFEST:Where would you like to go for dinner?
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:Are you wearing that?
>
> SAFER:Gee, you look good in brown.
>
> SAFEST:WOW! Look at you!
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What are you so worked up about?
>
> SAFER:What did I do wrong?
>
> SAFEST:Here's fifty dollars.
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:Should you be eating that?
>
> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
>
> SAFEST:Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What did you do all day?
>
> SAFER:I hope you didn't overdo it today.
>
> ! SAFEST:I've always loved you in that robe!
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some more chocolate.
>
>
>
> 13 Things PMS Stands For:
>
> 1. Pass My Shotgun
>
> 2. Psychotic Mood Shift
>
> 3. Perpetual Munching Spree
>
> 4. Puffy Mid-Section
>
> 5. People Make me Sick
>
> 6. Provide Me with Sweets
>
> 7. Pardon My Sobbing
>
> 8. Pimples May Surface
>
> 9. Pass My Sweatpants
>
> 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
>
> 11. Plainly; Men Suck
>
> 12. Pack My Stuff......
>
>
>
> ..And my favorite one...
>
>
>
> 13. Potential Murder Suspect
>
>
>
> Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might
> need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money
> talks...but chocolate sings.
>
>
>
> Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my
> mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to
> monitor my moods.? When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm
in a
> bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he'll
> buy me diamonds.
>
>
>
> Here have some chocolate.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Why Are Men Dogs? - Snakes are the Problem, not the Dogs
The question women ask is...
"Why is it that men are such dogs? They only want to have sex, watch sports and drink beer, and god forbid we ask for anything in return! I am not even looking for a relationship or anything, but couldn’t they at least introduce themselves before trying to bed me?"
I am confused. You see, you asked why men are dogs. You see, dogs are loyal and devoted. MEN are loyal, upstanding and devoted. GUYS on the other hand....that is a whole other kettle of fish....or, to be more accurate, pit of snakes. Guys are more like snakes, not dogs. Guys are not men, and that is the mistake that keeps getting made. They may have similar body parts, and such, but guys are not the loyal, loving, nurturing types that women seek, but they are usually the ones that women find.
The reason for this is that MEN are usually spending a nice evening with their lady (and they DO treat her like a lady), or spending quality time with their kids. They can rarely be found in bars and clubs, and if they are, they aren't tom-catting around looking for a quick peice of tail. They go home at a reasonable hour on week-nights, they remember birthdays and acknowledge them. They can keep a job for more than 3 months... they save for the future, they aren't afraid to show affection, but know that slipping their hand up your dress in public is not necessary, nor proper, and proves nothing positive about themselves.
I understand where your frustration is coming from ladies. I've had to rid myself of more than a hound or two in my time. But you must understand, when it comes to the "guys" we are talking about a species that wants to have sex BECAUSE they have a headache, or are nauseated, or are sleeping, or they are awake, or have been set on fire. They were made this way in order for the species to flourish, and "guys" have no idea that their impulses need to be controled.
Women, on the other hand, are designed to keep the rutting males from over-populating the planet, and we are generally comfortable with the idea of mating for life. This is not a bad thing. It’s a matter of balance. In this way, men and women complete each other.
As for guys not bothering to introduce themselves, take it as a compliment... you almost have to when you consider the source. They are looking for someone to mate with in the basic animal kingdom sense of the word. They hump, they leave, they don't expect to be caught up in the process of raising young ones, much less paying for them. It's a very base instinct. the good news is that some will eventually out-grow this, and grow up to become MEN.
Many guys have this fantasy of sleeping with a mysterious, beautiful woman who will “rock their world” and then, in the morning, she has disappeared in a cloud of mystery, asking for nothing in return. What guys fail to understand is that this is the stuff of which Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are all made.
If a guy approaches you with these fantasies in mind, tell them that they have mistaken you for the Orgasm Fairy, and that they can find her in their dreams. To make sure they understand, pat them on their head (the one on their shoulders, otherwise you will completely confuse them) and speak to them in a very “pre-school teacher” voice and say only these four words…"Run along, little boy." If he is cute and has some sort of possible potential, you may add " When you are all grown up into manhood, try again".
In conclusion, MEN are dogs only in the best sense of the word. GUYS are snakes, and if you choose to keep one as a pet (so to speak) you should expect to the behaviors that come naturally to their species...and often, if you back them into a corner or make them feel trapped (even if it is just their misperception), expect them to either run away or to strike out at you in some fashion that you probably won't like. I have learned to be grateful for the ones who flee. They weren't right for me anyway...and they do less damage than the ones who strike. No woman should take a GUY too seriously.
A word of warning: IF YOU KNOW THAT HE IS A GUY, DO NOT MARRY HIM IN HOPES THAT IT WILL MAKE HIM A MAN! IT DOESN'T WORK!
"Why is it that men are such dogs? They only want to have sex, watch sports and drink beer, and god forbid we ask for anything in return! I am not even looking for a relationship or anything, but couldn’t they at least introduce themselves before trying to bed me?"
I am confused. You see, you asked why men are dogs. You see, dogs are loyal and devoted. MEN are loyal, upstanding and devoted. GUYS on the other hand....that is a whole other kettle of fish....or, to be more accurate, pit of snakes. Guys are more like snakes, not dogs. Guys are not men, and that is the mistake that keeps getting made. They may have similar body parts, and such, but guys are not the loyal, loving, nurturing types that women seek, but they are usually the ones that women find.
The reason for this is that MEN are usually spending a nice evening with their lady (and they DO treat her like a lady), or spending quality time with their kids. They can rarely be found in bars and clubs, and if they are, they aren't tom-catting around looking for a quick peice of tail. They go home at a reasonable hour on week-nights, they remember birthdays and acknowledge them. They can keep a job for more than 3 months... they save for the future, they aren't afraid to show affection, but know that slipping their hand up your dress in public is not necessary, nor proper, and proves nothing positive about themselves.
I understand where your frustration is coming from ladies. I've had to rid myself of more than a hound or two in my time. But you must understand, when it comes to the "guys" we are talking about a species that wants to have sex BECAUSE they have a headache, or are nauseated, or are sleeping, or they are awake, or have been set on fire. They were made this way in order for the species to flourish, and "guys" have no idea that their impulses need to be controled.
Women, on the other hand, are designed to keep the rutting males from over-populating the planet, and we are generally comfortable with the idea of mating for life. This is not a bad thing. It’s a matter of balance. In this way, men and women complete each other.
As for guys not bothering to introduce themselves, take it as a compliment... you almost have to when you consider the source. They are looking for someone to mate with in the basic animal kingdom sense of the word. They hump, they leave, they don't expect to be caught up in the process of raising young ones, much less paying for them. It's a very base instinct. the good news is that some will eventually out-grow this, and grow up to become MEN.
Many guys have this fantasy of sleeping with a mysterious, beautiful woman who will “rock their world” and then, in the morning, she has disappeared in a cloud of mystery, asking for nothing in return. What guys fail to understand is that this is the stuff of which Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are all made.
If a guy approaches you with these fantasies in mind, tell them that they have mistaken you for the Orgasm Fairy, and that they can find her in their dreams. To make sure they understand, pat them on their head (the one on their shoulders, otherwise you will completely confuse them) and speak to them in a very “pre-school teacher” voice and say only these four words…"Run along, little boy." If he is cute and has some sort of possible potential, you may add " When you are all grown up into manhood, try again".
In conclusion, MEN are dogs only in the best sense of the word. GUYS are snakes, and if you choose to keep one as a pet (so to speak) you should expect to the behaviors that come naturally to their species...and often, if you back them into a corner or make them feel trapped (even if it is just their misperception), expect them to either run away or to strike out at you in some fashion that you probably won't like. I have learned to be grateful for the ones who flee. They weren't right for me anyway...and they do less damage than the ones who strike. No woman should take a GUY too seriously.
A word of warning: IF YOU KNOW THAT HE IS A GUY, DO NOT MARRY HIM IN HOPES THAT IT WILL MAKE HIM A MAN! IT DOESN'T WORK!
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