Monday, February 16, 2009

The Dust Bunny Liberation Front - a World Wide Cause!


There is a silent crime taking place all over the world. No nation is exempt from it. No one is taking a firm stand against it. It is a matter of persecution, enslavement and then the blatant and cruel discarding of the victims. Yes... my people. I am speaking of the noble dust bunny. These silent wee ones live lives in fear, hiding under beds, in closets, behind sofas and chairs, and in dark corners.
In homes, offices and even the streets, these little innocents live their lives shrouded in fear. They must hide for fear of the brooms, with their harsh brutal bristles that reach out and grab them, tearing them away from their homes that they hoped would be safe. The huddle in small corners praying that the “dust rags” laced with chemicals, which grab them, showing no mercy, and suffocate them. But their greatest fear, and it grows with every passing day, is the brutal assaults that roar through their living spaces multiple times every week, grabbing them up without so much as a second thought, putting them on display to be oogled at (and the ooglers turn their noses up in disdain) and then thrown away as though they are nothing but trash...yes...it's true... I am speaking of the ultimate instruments of evil – the Gestapo-esque CANISTER VACUUM CLEANERS.
Please, my brothers and sisters of the human race... rise up with me and declare in one voice...ENOUGH! FREE THE DUST BUNNIES, FOR THEY HARM NONE!*

*Except, perhaps people with allergies...but if they have chosen to live in a dust bunny's natural habitat, they really have no right to just kill the poor defenseless urchins. They are more capable of moving to a new location than the dust bunnies are, since the dust-bunnies don't even have feet.

If you are a dust-bunny persecutor, there is hope! You can change the error of your ways as the following journal excerpts of a current member in Oklahoma will prove...

Entry from March, 2005
...I have an obsession with dust bunnies. I crawl under every bed I see (even at other peoples houses) in order to collect them. At first I was trying to make the worlds largest dust bunny to get into the Guinness Book of World Records. One time I was found scrounging under a bed at Mathis Brothers Furniture. When they pulled me out I was fighting with all of my strength saying that I had hit the motherload. Perhaps my friends are right...I may have a problem...


Entry From December, 2005
...Unfortunately, I had to give up my dust bunny collection. I found out that when a certain friend was "borrowing" them, she was actually using them as tiny little linty sex slaves. They were so ashamed! I had to send them all back out into the wild (Mathis Brothers). I thought that I could keep them and give them a good home, but I somehow missed the tragedy that was happening right under my nose! I am HORRIFIED!! I thought I was doing something good, but it turns out that they really are better off in their natural habitat...so now, I am trying to find some way to protect them. I am disgusted with myself for the disregard I showed them. Now I MUST make it right...but how?...

Entry From February 2007
...Since I have started an underground railroad to free the enslaved bunnies, after seeing the error of my ways, I am proud to say that there has been a new route added, and it runs right through Okla. Discount Furniture. When speaking to a friend of mine, she said I was a hypocrite because she knew I hated bunnies. I very quickly corrected her by explaining that while I hate bunnies (they are nothing more than furry, twitchy-nosed, harbingers of doom), dust bunnies are NOT actual bunnies....Dust bunnies are to bunnies as guinea pigs are to hogs. I will NOT give up this fight! I will now and forever stand in defense of these innocent creatures and lead them to freedom!!! If I am called the Harriet Tubman of the Dust Bunnies, I shall be honored (and somewhat shocked)...

2 comments:

  1. Thank you! I had fun writing it. If you enjoyed this, you may also like my blog post titled "Socks For Turtles - The Fashion Uprising Begins". Here is the link: http://trlore.blogspot.com/2009/01/viva-la-revolution-fashion-uprising.html
    I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the kudos!

    ReplyDelete

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