The teacher, The Thief & The Lawyer

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.

The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?" "Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic."

" All right," said St. Peter, "you may pass."
Then the thief got his question: "How many died on the Titanic?"

The thief replied, "That's a toughie, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people." And so he passed through.

Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: "Name them."

Four Little Animals = Total Happiness

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals."

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?"

The little girl said "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it".

The Teacher Fainted

The White Dot

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment
to find out something exciting and tell it to
the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found,
the first little boy the teacher called on walked
up to the front of the class, and with a piece of
chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard
and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.

"It's a period," he replied.

"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is
so exciting about a period?"

"Darned if I know," he said, "but this morning
my sister was missing one. Mommy fainted, daddy
had a heart attack and the boy next door joined
the Navy".