Would You Remarry?

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading
when the Wife looks over at him and asks the
question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "shit."

The Healing Power of...sex?

A woman was in a coma ... she had been in a coma for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma." The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked."

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND

COWS, GOLF AND A WIFE

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asked him, 'What happened to you?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.' We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed One of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the Cow's' butt. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, hey, this looks like yours! 'I don't remember much after that...'

Lost Wife In Walmart

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too, and I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"

The second guy says, "Well, she is young, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big firm breasts, and a tight butt. What does your wife look like?"

To which the first guy says, "Never mind; let's just look for yours."