Showing posts with label real. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

An IM conversation from Inside the cubicle walls...

What you are about to read is an actualy conversation that I had with co-worker. Upon rereading it, I came to the conclusion that any semblance of sanity that a person may have is sucked up of them upon entering the wonderful world of office cubicles... which are simply padded cells with no doors. The follow is just a sample of the lunacy that ensues when confined to theses odd cells for prolonged periods of time. NOTE: The names have been changed to protect the insane.

HER: i'm over here talking to myself
ME: i do that ALL the time.
ME: so it means that you are now as crazy as I am.
HER: right, exactly
ME: welcome to the club my dear. with full membership you get full access to insane notions, sarcastic reflex responses to others and really neat pencil cup.
HER: sweet!!!!!!
HER: i'm proud to be a member
ME: we'll get you your membership card and teach you the secret handshake at the next meeting.
HER: dork, lol
ME: that's it. you're out of the club.
ME: return your pencil cup right NOW!!!!
HER: FINE BY ME!!!
ME: I have x-ray specs...i can see right through you.
HER: yeah...well...i got nothin'
ME: yeah, now. but you could have had it all, but oh-no! you had to go and get all mean and snotty.
HER: i do what i want
ME: WELL MISS SMARTY-PANTS, NOW YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT A PENCIL CUP!!!!! SO THERE!! PBBBLLLTTTHHHH!!!
HER: i don't even use pencils
ME: YOU STILL NEED THE CUP YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!
HER: no really i don't
HER: heehee

ME: Except for that part where you really DO!!
HER: except for that part where........i don't give a shit about the pencil cup!!!!!
HER:
lol
ME: yes you do. so shut up.
HER: no you shut up
ME: no you shut up.
HER: no no after you
HER: jerks first
ME: you....times infinity!
HER: i suddenly feel 12 again, it's amazing
ME: well, not to go all junior high on you, but you started it.
HER: you need to "coin" that phrase
HER: fo reals
ME has changed her status message to “HER needs a guidance counselor.”
ME: (snicker snicker)......
ME: giggle giggle.......
HER: hahaha
ME: hee hee hee hee....
ME: ha ha ha hahahahahahahahah...
ME: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HER: that's a whole lot o' laughs lady.
ME: AND THEY ARE AT YOUR EXPENSE...WHICH MAKES THEM EVEN BETTER.
HER: kiss mah arse
ME: present it....if you can get it thru the cubicle entry that is...
HER: oh no you didn't
ME: no...i didn't...except for that part where i did.
HER: lol
HER: re re (retard)
ME: damn skippy! and PROUD of it!!! Now give me back my helmet...i gotta get to school and the short bus will be here any second.
HER: hahaha, that's awesome...


HER: i just saw your status message....turd face
ME: LOL!!!! that's why i was laughing so hard.
HER: ok hyena
ME: you're the retard who took over 10 minutes to notice it.
HER: fair enough
ME: if i change your name, can i use this conversation in my blog?
HER: absolutely, haha
ME: AWESOME.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Classifieds - Real & Funny

Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:



FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
>----------------------------------

FREE PUPPIES: 쩍 COCKER SPANIEL 쩍 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
>------------------------------

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG

>------------------------------

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

>-------------------------------------

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE. BETTER BE

REWARD.

>-----------------------------------

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

>----------------------------

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

>-------------------------------

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

>-----------------------------------

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

>-------------------------------------

HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

>----------------------------------------

GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

>------------------------------------------

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

>-------------------------------------------

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND

FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.

>-------------------------------------------

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

>-------------------------------------------

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

>------------------------------------------

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

>-------------------------------------------

OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

>---------------------------------------

(AND THE BEST ONE) FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia

Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer
needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

Friday, August 7, 2009

What's Your Excuse?

Real excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4.Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

12. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

22. Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.