An IM conversation from Inside the cubicle walls...

What you are about to read is an actualy conversation that I had with co-worker. Upon rereading it, I came to the conclusion that any semblance of sanity that a person may have is sucked up of them upon entering the wonderful world of office cubicles... which are simply padded cells with no doors. The follow is just a sample of the lunacy that ensues when confined to theses odd cells for prolonged periods of time. NOTE: The names have been changed to protect the insane.

HER: i'm over here talking to myself
ME: i do that ALL the time.
ME: so it means that you are now as crazy as I am.
HER: right, exactly
ME: welcome to the club my dear. with full membership you get full access to insane notions, sarcastic reflex responses to others and really neat pencil cup.
HER: sweet!!!!!!
HER: i'm proud to be a member
ME: we'll get you your membership card and teach you the secret handshake at the next meeting.
HER: dork, lol
ME: that's it. you're out of the club.
ME: return your pencil cup right NOW!!!!
HER: FINE BY ME!!!
ME: I have x-ray specs...i can see right through you.
HER: yeah...well...i got nothin'
ME: yeah, now. but you could have had it all, but oh-no! you had to go and get all mean and snotty.
HER: i do what i want
ME: WELL MISS SMARTY-PANTS, NOW YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT A PENCIL CUP!!!!! SO THERE!! PBBBLLLTTTHHHH!!!
HER: i don't even use pencils
ME: YOU STILL NEED THE CUP YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!
HER: no really i don't
HER: heehee
ME: Except for that part where you really DO!!
HER: except for that part where........i don't give a shit about the pencil cup!!!!!
HER: lol
ME: yes you do. so shut up.
HER: no you shut up
ME: no you shut up.
HER: no no after you
HER: jerks first
ME: you....times infinity!
HER: i suddenly feel 12 again, it's amazing
ME: well, not to go all junior high on you, but you started it.
HER: you need to "coin" that phrase
HER: fo reals
ME has changed her status message to “HER needs a guidance counselor.”
ME: (snicker snicker)......
ME: giggle giggle.......
HER: hahaha
ME: hee hee hee hee....
ME: ha ha ha hahahahahahahahah...
ME: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HER: that's a whole lot o' laughs lady.
ME: AND THEY ARE AT YOUR EXPENSE...WHICH MAKES THEM EVEN BETTER.
HER: kiss mah arse
ME: present it....if you can get it thru the cubicle entry that is...
HER: oh no you didn't
ME: no...i didn't...except for that part where i did.
HER: lol
HER: re re (retard)
ME: damn skippy! and PROUD of it!!! Now give me back my helmet...i gotta get to school and the short bus will be here any second.
HER: hahaha, that's awesome...

HER: i just saw your status message....turd face
ME: LOL!!!! that's why i was laughing so hard.
HER: ok hyena
ME: you're the retard who took over 10 minutes to notice it.
HER: fair enough
ME: if i change your name, can i use this conversation in my blog?
HER: absolutely, haha
ME: AWESOME.

Office Dares

Do the following at your risk...

ONE-POINT DARES
* Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
* To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
* Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
* Walk sideways to the photocopier.
* While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
* When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
* Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
* Don't use any punctuation.
* Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sign
* Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES
* Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
* Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
* Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
* Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
* Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
* Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
* Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
* Call I.T. help desk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES
* At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points! if you actually launch into it yourself).
* Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
* For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
* Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
* When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.
* After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in:
"The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
* In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
* At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
* Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear ! that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
* Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
* During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
* As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
* Sign or p.p. all letters with your initials and a swastika.
* Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".

NOTE: I am not the original autor of this. If you know the originator, I will be happy to give credit.