Two Ladies in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But
instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic
and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died..

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

PRICELESS

WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN

Women Over 40 by Andy Rooney

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks
about women over 40...

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few

reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask,

'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually
more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you
deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away
with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than
her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you
are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where
you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over
40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig
just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!