Two Ladies in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But
instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic
and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died..

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

PRICELESS

Best Divorce Letter EVER!

Dear wife:
>
> I'm writing you this letter to tell you that
> I'm leaving you forever. I 've been a
> good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to
> show for it.
>
> These last 2 weeks have been hell.
> Your boss called to tell me that you quit
> your job today & that was the last straw.
>
> Last week, you came home & didn't even notice
> I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite
> meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk
> boxers.
>
> You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to
> sleep after watching all of your soaps.
>
> You don't tell me you love me anymore; you
> don't want sex or anything that connects us
> as husband & wife. Either you're
> cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;
> whatever! the case, I'm gone.
>
> Your
> Ex-Husband
>
> PS. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I
> are moving away to West Virginia
> together! Have a great life!
>
>
>
>
> Dear Ex-Husband
>
> Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
> letter.
>
> It's true you & I have been
> married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry
> from what you've been.
>
> I watch my soaps so
> much because they drown out your constant whining
> & griping. Too bad that
> doesn't work.
>
> I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
> the first thing that came to mind was 'You look
> just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me
> not to say anything if you can't say something
> nice, I didn't comment.
>
>
> And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must
> have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
> because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
>
> About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
> because the $49.99 price tag was still on them,
> and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister
> had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
>
>
> After all of this, I still loved you & felt we
> could work it out.
>
> So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit
> my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home
> you were gone. Everything happens for a
> reason, I guess. I hope you have the
> fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
> said that the letter you wrote ensures you
> won't get a dime from me. So take care.
>
> Signed,
> Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell
> & Free!
>
> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but
> my sister Carla was born Carl. I
> hope that's not a problem