The birds & the Bees - Father and Son Chat

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me!'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed,'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for.

A REAL Survivor Series Moms Will LOVE

The next survivor series Jun 20, '04 12:49 AM
by kim for everyone

Sorry for the arrows. I got this in an email but HAD to post it here. Guy's read only if you think you can handle it.


THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
> >>
> >>
> >> Six married men will be dropped
> >>
> >>
> >> on an island with
> >>
> >>
> >> 1 car and
> >>
> >>
> >> 4 kids each,
> >>
> >>
> >> for 6 weeks.
> >>
> >>
> >> Each kid plays two sports
> >>
> >>
> >> and either takes
> >>
> >>
> >> music or dance classes.
> >>
> >>
> >> ****
> >>
> >>
> >> There is no access to fast food.
> >>
> >>
> >> ****
> >>
> >>
> >> Each man must take care of his 4 kids,
> >>
> >>
> >> keep his assigned house clean,
> >>
> >>
> >> correct all homework,
> >>
> >>
> >> complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
> >>
> >>
> >> ****
> >>
> >>
> >> The men only have access to television
> >>
> >>
> >> when the kids are asleep and
> >>
> >>
> >> all chores are done.
> >>
> >>
> >> there is only one TV between them
> >>
> >>
> >> and there is
> >>
> >>
> >> NO REMOTE.
> >>
> >>
> >> *****
> >>
> >>
> >> The men must shave their legs,
> >>
> >>
> >> wear makeup daily,
> >>
> >>
> >> which they must apply themselves,
> >>
> >>
> >> either while driving or
> >>
> >>
> >> while making four lunches.
> >>
> >>
> >> *****
> >>
> >>
> >> They must attend weekly PTA meetings;
> >>
> >>
> >> clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.;
> >>
> >>
> >> make an Indian hut model with
> >>
> >>
> >> six toothpicks,
> >>
> >>
> >> a tortilla
> >>
> >>
> >> and one marker;
> >>
> >>
> >> and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.
> >>
> >>
> >> *****
> >>
> >>
> >> The kids vote them off the island, based on performance.
> >>
> >>
> >> *****
> >>
> >>
> >> The last man wins...
> >>
> >>
> >> only if...
> >>
> >>
> >> he has enough energy to be intimate
> >>
> >>
> >> with his spouse at a moment's notice.
> >>
> >>
> >> *****
> >>
> >>
> >> If the last man does win, he can play the game
> >>
> >>
> >> over and over again
> >>
> >>
> >> for the next 18-25 years...
> >>
> >>
> >> eventually earning the right to be called
> >>
> >>
> >> *****************
> >>
> >>
> >> ***"Mother."***
> >>
> >>
> >> *****************

What Part of Your Body Goes To Heaven First?

> The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and
>she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your
>body goes first?"
>
> Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you
>think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you
>hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands
>first."
>
> "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
>
> Little Johnny raised his hand and said, I think it is your legs. Johnny,
>why do you think it would be your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I
>walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs
>straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!" If Dad
>hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
>
> The nun fainted.