Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions
>> to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply
>> alternative meanings for common words.
>>
>> The winners are:
>>
>> 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
>>
>> 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
>>
>> 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>>
>> 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
>>
>> 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
>>
>> 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
>> absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
>>
>> 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
>>
>> 8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
>>
>> 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
>> run over by a steamroller.
>>
>> 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
>>
>> 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
>>
>> 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
>> proctologists.
>>
>> 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
>>
>> 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
>> Yiddishisms.
>>
>> 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,
>> when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
>>
>> 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
>> Jewish men.
>>
>> The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take
>> any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
>> changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
>>
>> Here are this year's winners:
>>
>> 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
>> bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
>> little sign of breaking down in the near future.
>>
>> 2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
>> of getting laid.
>>
>> 3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
>> subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
>>
>> 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>>
>> 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
>> person who doesn't get it.
>>
>> 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
>> late.
>>
>> 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
>>
>> 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
>> credit.)
>>
>> 9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these
>> really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
>> like, a serious bummer.
>>
>> 10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
>> consuming only things that are good for you.
>>
>> 11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
>>
>> 12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
>> when they come at you rapidly.
>>
>> 13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
>> you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
>>
>> 14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
>> your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
>>
>> 15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
>> the fruit you're eating.
>>
>> And the pick of the literature:
>>
>> 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
