Clogs For Cows - The Next Phase Of The Fashion Revolution

Horses get shoes, but cows don't. Why? What is it about horses that make them worthy but not the noble moo-cow? That's right, I said NOBLE, and I meant it!!! They quietly go about their day, munching on grass, and chilling out, not doing much to anyone. They supply us with milk, making magnificent foods possible, like cheese, yogurt, and ice cream. They supply us with meat... GREAT meat. Steaks and brisket can be nothing less than a succulent gift of unfathomable proportions. And leather... belts, shoes, coats. They give themselves over to us completely and don't put up much of a fight about it. Cows love us. Yes, they do. Look at all that they give to us...their entire selves are sacrificed so that we may enjoy their beefy goodness, and they do so freely in utter obedience to their religious beliefs.

According to their holy book “The Book Of The Divine Bovine” the sacrifices they make to serve mankind assure their place in Bovinia (Moo-Cow Heaven).
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“And thou shalt surrender thyselves up, and shall be the centerpiece of the blessed people's celebrations upon the fourth day of the seventh month of each year.” - II Bovines: 12.5

“For upon mankind's celebrations of fortune, thou shalt be sources of succulent joy, and thou shalt warm their bodies and adorn their feet in beauty and wrap their mid-sections in grand style. Thou shalt encompass their necks and wrists with cool hipness, and be much praised upon the earth.” - Leatherians: 8.4

All of this ... and we don't even give them shoes? It's a travesty! A TRAVESTY I SAY!!!

I wish I could pretend to be shocked by our thoughtlessness and disregard for these self-less, sacrificial animals, but given that we have yet to give the chicken it's propers, I can't even pretend that this behavior of ours comes as a surprise. But whether we are amazed or not is moooooot at best. The time for shock is past. It is time for action. And so begins the next great movement in animal rights... Clogs For Cows!

Clogs are the ideal fashion accessory for the gentle moo-cow. Easy to put on and take off, and there are plenty of fashionable options since clogs can be carved and shaped into almost any trendy form. No need to nail them into place...which is just barbaric...but that's another issue for another time.

Just think of it... our bovinesque friends wearing a nice pair of clogs...or even the uber-thick flip flops with a nice flower on the top. Give the cows that sense of flash and flare that they so richly deserve! How can you be still as the bearers of our grandest attire, sweetest meat and dairy goodness are left out in the cold (or absurd heat, depending on the season) with bare hooves and no evidence of their fashion sense. For heaven's sake people, THEY EVEN GIVE US THEIR CHILDREN FOR VEAL! IS A PAIR OF $10 CLOGS SO MUCH TO ASK??? If you do think it is too much to ask, then you, my friend, are chock full of bovine fecal matter.

COWS, GOLF AND A WIFE

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asked him, 'What happened to you?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.' We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed One of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the Cow's' butt. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, hey, this looks like yours! 'I don't remember much after that...'

The Real Circle Of Life

> On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You
> must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer
> under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the
> farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
>
> The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me
> to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll
> give back the other forty."
>
> And God agreed.
>
> On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit
> all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who
> comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty
> years."
>
> The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me
> ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed
> (sigh).
>
> On the third day God created the monkey. God said,
> entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll
> give you a twenty year life span."
>
> Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty
> years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's
> what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.
>
> On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat,
> sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy.
> I'll give you twenty years."
>
> Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you
> what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back,
> and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave
> back. That makes eighty, okay?"
>
> "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
>
> So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep,
> play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothi ng; For the next forty
> years we slave in the sun to support our family; For the next
> ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren;
> And for the last ten years we sit in front
> of the house and bark at everybody.
>
> Life has now been explained