Hi Tech Guess

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?



The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the

area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.



The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .....



Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.





Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hitech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."





"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.



He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.



Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"





The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"



"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.



"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"



"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ..

Now give me back my dog.

Noah's Ark - the Modern Version

In the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
United States, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked, and I see the
end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along
with a few good humans.
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"



"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by
building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to
the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.



"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!



"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space.

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not
going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."