How to pee politely

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach
Good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute, I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say it?'

Peter said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have
to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get
to meet after dinner.'

THE TEACHER FAINTED..... ........

What Part of Your Body Goes To Heaven First?

> The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and
>she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your
>body goes first?"
>
> Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you
>think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you
>hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands
>first."
>
> "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
>
> Little Johnny raised his hand and said, I think it is your legs. Johnny,
>why do you think it would be your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I
>walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs
>straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!" If Dad
>hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
>
> The nun fainted.