Thursday, October 8, 2009

Economic Stimulus Spending

If you didn't get an economic stimulus payment in 2008, you may be eligible to receive the recovery rebate credit in 2009. Just in case you get a check......

This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia?
A. Shut up or you don't get your check.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
• If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China.
• If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
• If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

• If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
• If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
• If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay management bonuses

and be hidden in offshore accounts.

Instead, you can keep the money in America by --

1 spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or
2 going to baseball or football games, or
3 hiring prostitutes, or
4 buying cheap beer or
5 getting tattoos.

These are the only wholly-American-owned businesses still operating in the US.

Conclusion --
The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you're drunk enough to go get tattooed.

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