Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Office Dares

Do the following at your risk...

* Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
* To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
* Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
* Walk sideways to the photocopier.
* While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
* When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
* Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
* Don't use any punctuation.
* Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sign
* Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
* Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
* Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
* Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
* Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
* Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
* Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
* Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
* Call I.T. help desk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
* At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points! if you actually launch into it yourself).
* Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
* For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
* Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
* When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.
* After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in:
"The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
* In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
* At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
* Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear ! that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
* Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
* During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
* As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
* Sign or p.p. all letters with your initials and a swastika.
* Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".
NOTE: I am not the original autor of this. If you know the originator, I will be happy to give credit.

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