Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Best Of Late Night

The Best of Late Night...

"A political group is urging Dick Cheney to run for president in 2012. It's a political group known as the Democrats." --Conan O'Brien

"Hey, you know who's back in town? Eliot Spitzer. Former governor of New York Eliot Spitzer is back in town, and he's going to run for governor again. He says he wants to spend less time with his family." --David Letterman

"As of today, same-sex couples may now legally get married in Vermont. So finally, finally, after years of waiting, we'll get to hear these words out of Vermont: 'I now pronounce you Ben and Jerry.'" --Conan O'Brien

"I read today that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is considering running for the Senate. In fact he's already holding fundraisers: $500 for the full hour and $300 for a half hour." --Jimmy Fallon

"Of course, the healthcare debate is raging. And yesterday, John McCain spoke to nearly 100 doctors and nurses. It wasn't a political meeting. It was McCain's annual checkup." --Conan O'Brien

"In preparation for the swine flu outbreak, colleges all over the country are warning students to avoid kissing, drinking games, and using drugs. College students have reacted to the news by immediately getting the swine flu." --Jimmy Fallon

"A spokesperson for Sarah Palin says she's about 85% finished with her book which means that Sarah Palin is finished with her book." --Conan O'Brien

"Well, it's back. You know what I'm talking about. Swine flu. And they say now this year it may be worse than ever. And I was thinking, well, thank God we fixed our healthcare system." --David Letterman

"Reporters in Washington are saying that President Obama's hair has gotten visibly grayer in the seven months since he took office. Amazingly, each of his gray hairs is the result of a black hair and a white hair being brought together by Obama last year." --Conan O'Brien

"Jenna Bush was hired as a correspondent for the 'Today' show. People wonder if her dad was a factor in her getting the job. If he was, it looks like she overcame it and got the job anyway." --Craig Ferguson

"Sarah Palin announced that she will make her first trip to Asia in September, where she'll be giving a speech in Hong Kong. Palin says she's thrilled because Hong Kong and Asia are two of her favorite places." --Jimmy Fallon

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