Penguins. Nice creatures. They walk…a lot. As I watched March of The Penguins, Farce of the Penguins, and Madagascar, my heart broke over and over again. The poor creatures…all that walking, waddling and surfing, and they are forced to do it all without the benefit of pants.
How could this be? In this world of modern technology, where we have fat free cookies, cell phones and Honey Bunches of Oats has found a way to give us JUST the bunches, how do the penguins NOT have pants?
You can say that they don’t need them, but I do not hold to that. Their lil’ tushies must be freezing and they wander across the ice and tundra in a long line, just to get a little action and some egg time. I don’t care who you are or what you are wearing, if you had to spend your time out in the icy elements, without pants, and only a tuxedo coat, your little patootie would freeze right off (and NO, that is not a suggestion for a new diet).
Join me my fellow humans, in correcting the dilemma. Help me solve the plight of the penguins! Say it loud, and say it proud! “PANTS FOR PENGUINS!” No more shall their little bare booties be dragged across the frozen tundra! No more shall they have to say “I am freezing my ass off” and it be a LITERAL statement. Rise with me! Fight for their right to wear pants! All kinds of pants! Jeans, khakis, shorts, capris,...made with cotton, sequins, glitter..and yes…dare I say it?..... SPANDEX!!! Just imagine those little guys waddling their way across the icy wilderness, their little tails swinging with pride, their heads bobbing up and down to their favorite Eminem song playing in their ipods, and sporting a super-sexy pair of sparkly pink and purple spandex biker shorts!
You may ask, but where will we find pants to fit the penguins? Well, I say unto you, THE PANTS ARE OUT THERE! If eclectech.co.uk has a picture of a penguin in super-awesome disco pants (see below), then that means that they are out there!
Our first step, find Opus the penguin. The last time i saw him, he was in the Outland, and had also been seen often in Bloom County....Opus broke new ground by wearing tighty-whitey underpants back in 80's (check out his sexy penguin-ness below)...when penguin rights were barely a thought to most people, and the controversial penguin evolution trials were taking place. When you feel discouraged in the fight, just think of Opus, boldly going where few penguins had gone before, standing proud in his penguin pants, and fight on! FIGHT FOR PENGUIN PANTS FOR ALL!!!