Monday, February 16, 2009

Why Are Men Dogs? - Snakes are the Problem, not the Dogs

The question women ask is...

"Why is it that men are such dogs? They only want to have sex, watch sports and drink beer, and god forbid we ask for anything in return! I am not even looking for a relationship or anything, but couldn’t they at least introduce themselves before trying to bed me?"

I am confused. You see, you asked why men are dogs. You see, dogs are loyal and devoted. MEN are loyal, upstanding and devoted. GUYS on the other hand....that is a whole other kettle of fish....or, to be more accurate, pit of snakes. Guys are more like snakes, not dogs. Guys are not men, and that is the mistake that keeps getting made. They may have similar body parts, and such, but guys are not the loyal, loving, nurturing types that women seek, but they are usually the ones that women find.

The reason for this is that MEN are usually spending a nice evening with their lady (and they DO treat her like a lady), or spending quality time with their kids. They can rarely be found in bars and clubs, and if they are, they aren't tom-catting around looking for a quick peice of tail. They go home at a reasonable hour on week-nights, they remember birthdays and acknowledge them. They can keep a job for more than 3 months... they save for the future, they aren't afraid to show affection, but know that slipping their hand up your dress in public is not necessary, nor proper, and proves nothing positive about themselves.

I understand where your frustration is coming from ladies. I've had to rid myself of more than a hound or two in my time. But you must understand, when it comes to the "guys" we are talking about a species that wants to have sex BECAUSE they have a headache, or are nauseated, or are sleeping, or they are awake, or have been set on fire. They were made this way in order for the species to flourish, and "guys" have no idea that their impulses need to be controled.

Women, on the other hand, are designed to keep the rutting males from over-populating the planet, and we are generally comfortable with the idea of mating for life. This is not a bad thing. It’s a matter of balance. In this way, men and women complete each other.

As for guys not bothering to introduce themselves, take it as a compliment... you almost have to when you consider the source. They are looking for someone to mate with in the basic animal kingdom sense of the word. They hump, they leave, they don't expect to be caught up in the process of raising young ones, much less paying for them. It's a very base instinct. the good news is that some will eventually out-grow this, and grow up to become MEN.

Many guys have this fantasy of sleeping with a mysterious, beautiful woman who will “rock their world” and then, in the morning, she has disappeared in a cloud of mystery, asking for nothing in return. What guys fail to understand is that this is the stuff of which Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are all made.

If a guy approaches you with these fantasies in mind, tell them that they have mistaken you for the Orgasm Fairy, and that they can find her in their dreams. To make sure they understand, pat them on their head (the one on their shoulders, otherwise you will completely confuse them) and speak to them in a very “pre-school teacher” voice and say only these four words…"Run along, little boy." If he is cute and has some sort of possible potential, you may add " When you are all grown up into manhood, try again".
In conclusion, MEN are dogs only in the best sense of the word. GUYS are snakes, and if you choose to keep one as a pet (so to speak) you should expect to the behaviors that come naturally to their species...and often, if you back them into a corner or make them feel trapped (even if it is just their misperception), expect them to either run away or to strike out at you in some fashion that you probably won't like. I have learned to be grateful for the ones who flee. They weren't right for me anyway...and they do less damage than the ones who strike. No woman should take a GUY too seriously.


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