Saying goodbye to Grandma

We were dressed and ready to go out for New Year's Eve. We turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. When the taxi arrived, we opened the front door to leave the house, and the cat scoots back inside. We didn't want to leave the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night, so she tells him that I will be out soon and that I was just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.
A few minutes later, I get in the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said as we drove away, “But that stupid beast was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck, then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me, but it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her into the backyard!”
The cab driver hit a parked car.