Saturday, January 17, 2009

Insomnia - the gift that keeps on giving.

I have insomnia. I used to fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but those days are long gone. Considering the fact that I am…well…I’m not exactly “crazy”…but I more than qualify as “slightly off center”, insomnia is a just an added bonus in the spectacular circus that I call “My Life”. When I can’t sleep (which is a nightly thing…and a daily thing, come to think of it) I tend to think. This is never a good thing. When I think too much I make myself crazier than I already am. I dwell, I harp, I flake out, and I have this urge to shove my deep sleeping husband out of the bed. Yes…I said it. The worst thing in the world for an insomniac is a bed partner who actually sleeps. Not just sleeps, but sleeps DEEEEEEEEP... and then hits the snooze button repeatedly in the mornings, which is grounds for an insomniac to kill you in your sleep.

I have tried medications, meditations, and the usual home-spun sleep aids. I have even counted sheep, but when I do that the sheep become all hostile and inform me that they are not boring and therefore should not be pigeon-holed into the role of sleep bringers. I tried to explain to them that we don't find them boring, just soothing. This angered them even more and in an effort to show me how gritty and "street" they are, they divided into two gangs and had a "rumble". There were knives, crowbars, etc...but in the end it just looked like I was watching West Side Story being performed by sheep who had clearly been smoking pot. When they started trying to speak with German accents instead of using the Falkland Island lilt I had mentally assigned to them, I had to stop there. Belligerent sheep was really not the sort of thing that would bring me the serenity to fall asleep.

I am currently on yet another of my non-sleeping cycles, but I am going to give it another try right now. I am thinking of spending some time with the sheep. I have a feeling that if I ask them just right, I can get them to perform “Best Little Whorehouse In Texas”. If not, I think one of the ewes is really itching to share her talents in the role of Maria in The Sound of Music…they have a bunch of little bunny rabbits playing the Nazis....because even in my own wild imagination, typecasting is rampant... and bunnies continue to be furry, twitchy nosed harbingers of doom.

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